Nothing Works Out As Expected These Days
by Starway Man
Summary: What if it hadn’t been Angel who was sent to Hell that day with Acathla, but Xander instead?


**Date Written: **Thu 8 December 2005

**Authors:** Nodakskip and Starway Man

**Emails:** Nodakskip at aol dot com, theop at kew dot hotkey dot net. au

**Rating:** R

**Disclaimer: **All things Joss belong to him and WB, UPN, Fox, Kazui, Sandollar, etc. etc. Only the plot belongs to us, and even that is negotiable. :)

**Category:** AU, Angel/Buffy crossover

**Warnings:** Some foul language and character death is present.

**Main characters**: Xander, Cordelia, ensemble

**AN:** It always struck me, Starway Man that is, as odd that during 'Becoming, pt. 1 and pt. 2' Oz was never more involved in the storylines of the episodes. After all, he was Willow's boyfriend and a Scooby by that point, so he SHOULD have been there for all of it. Here's our take on what happens if he had been.

**Summary:** What if it hadn't been Angel who was sent to Hell that day with Acathla, but Xander instead?

**Title:** Nothing Works Out As Expected These Days

* * *

**Corridor near the room of Willow Rosenberg, Sunnydale General Hospital, Sunnydale**

**May 12th, 1998**

Cordelia Chase came out of the rest room to see a depressing scene. Buffy Summers, Daniel 'Oz' Osborne, and the vampire called Angel were numbly walking down the hall towards her.

"YOU!" Cordy quickly dug into her purse, and pulled out her small stake. "One false move, and you're like dust!"

"It's pointing backwards," Oz said simply, in an even more stoic way than usual.

Cordelia looked confused for a moment, but then indeed saw the pointy end of her stake was backwards, so she quickly turned it around. "What I said before!"

"It's all right, Cordy," Buffy said as she reached over and snatched the stake away from the cheerleader, effortlessly. "He's Angel again."

"Really?" Ms. Chase didn't lose the looks of suspicion and disgust though, and all three new arrivals could easily see it. "You sure?"

"I'm sure," Buffy told the brunette girl. "How's Giles?"

Cordelia saw Angel wince at the question. "He's getting checked out right now. At least four fingers were broken..." She looked to the vampire. "Which I would guess is your fault?"

"That wasn't him, Cordelia," Buffy told her sternly at once.

"Right - and you're really the most objective person in the world, when it comes to that particular subject? Anyway, it sure as hell looked like him, when this ASSHOLE knocked me down in that graveyard back then!" Cordy bit back.

Angel looked down, avoiding her gaze. "I remember that. But in my defense, I didn't have my soul at the time-"

"OH, well, that makes everything all right then! And y'know, gee, I wonder how well that'll go across with the families of all of Angelus's victims around here? All those widows and orphans, thanks to the...fun...that took place over the last four months. How many people did your evil alter ego kill anyway, fifty? A hundred? More?"

"Cordy, that's enough!" Buffy snapped heatedly, as Angel just hung his head in misery.

"Why, just because YOU say so? Well, screw that! As far as I'm concerned, after everything's that happened this year - including Xander having to save your ass in the hospital, from this THING that you should have staked ages ago? That sure as hell doesn't cut it anymore, you little bottle-blond freak!" Cordy snarled, as they started for Willow's room. "By the way, where is my so-called boyfriend? Why isn't he with you guys?"

A few moments later, she got her answer.

"What in God's name do you mean, he's DEAD?" the brunette instantly screamed.

Buffy pulled the divider sheet separating the room from the outside world. "Keep it down! Willow needs to rest right now, hearing this could kill her-"

"Kill her?" Cordelia demanded. "Is that all you care about? What about me!" She stalked up to Buffy. "I want to know everything what happened ever since Xander and Oz left this hospital, and I want to know now!"

* * *

**Flashback**

**Outside the Crawford Street Mansion**

**A few hours earlier**

Buffy Summers was slowly and determinedly walking up the long drive of the enemy stronghold, with her covered item.

She was ready now, she could do this. She had to. Angel wasn't the one who'd done all these horrible things, in an effort to destroy the entire world. He wasn't the one that had killed her Watcher's girlfriend, no - Angel was just another victim. For a moment Buffy hoped his real self was looking down on her from Heaven, and would be able to rest in peace when she finally slayed the demon that had taken over his body - for the second time.

As Ms. Summers crossed the curve in the drive, she stopped suddenly. Jumping back, as she heard rustling in the bushes. "Hey, I know you're in there!"

"What are you two doing here?" Buffy then demanded as the two male Slayerettes jumped out.

"Cavalry's here," Xander told her. "Cavalry's two frightened guys with a couple of rocks, but it's here."

Buffy looked them over; then quickly pulled out two stakes from her jacket, and handed them to her friends. "I think these will work better."

"Muchly," Oz said in thanks, as he took his new weapon.

"Now look, Xander, Oz - you're not here to fight, got that?" Buffy instructed them, as they started marching towards almost-certain death. "You cover each other and get Giles out, and then you guys run like hell, understood? I can't protect you." She pulled out her sword from the cover, a weapon blessed long ago by a virtuous knight. "I'm gonna be too busy killing."

"Now, that's a new look for you," Xander commented absently.

Buffy got a grim look on her face. "It's a present for Angel."

"Willow..." Xander's hesitant tone stopped the group. "Uh, she told me to tell you..."

"Tell me what?" Buffy asked impatiently, only slightly paying attention.

"To ki-" Xander started to say, but Oz spoke at the same time.

"She's gonna do the soul curse again."

Xander looked semi-annoyed at his companion's brutal honesty, wondering if the world was now doomed because the Slayer had a SLIGHT hope of getting her 'one true love' back. ( _Oh, well, nothing I can do about it now..._ )

Buffy just whirled towards the werewolf, "What?" she demanded. "She thinks she can do it?"

"Yeah, she thinks she can," Oz told her. "And if Willow thinks she can, then I know she can."

Xander watched as the look of hope came over the Slayer's face, just as he'd dreaded. "Ah, Buff? Not wanting to be all gloom and doom already, but I can tell what you're thinking. And please, don't think that - you're gambling with the fate of the world here! We can't risk it-"

"I can kick Angel's ass around the room for a while, to give Willow the time she needs to do it," Buffy said simply, as she took off her jacket and tossed it onto the grass.

The taller boy looked stunned for a moment. "What? Hey, if you don't go all out on this fight, he will - and Deadboy's gonna kill you if you're not trying to win! Buffy, I'm begging you - don't try to stall on this one," Xander pressed. "And believe it or not, that's not jealousy talking! You tried to stall him before, and Kendra ended up dead-"

"That wasn't Angel!" Buffy scolded her friend.

"No, technically not," Xander admitted. "But that doesn't matter anymore. Because we've hit the bottom of the ninth - and if something screws up this time, we all get sucked into Hell..."

"If it means saving Angel, then I have to try," Buffy said with blind determination, as she turned around and kept going.

That was it.

Xander felt something die a quick yet horrible death within his heart, at that moment. And that was his faith in his blond female friend.

He'd known, in the days when Deadboy was still Soul Boy, that if it ever came down to it - Buffy would ALWAYS choose Angel over him. Like, if during a fight against the bad guys where both of them were about to die at the exact same moment, and Buffy could save maybe one but definitely not both, if there was no time to make a conscious decision - it would be the vampire she'd try to save, every time, no doubt about it there.

But that was just a choice between two people. Xander had never doubted that his hero would ever risk the lives of everyone else in the world, against her undead lover's welfare...

Until today.

Because Buffy had decided to rely on iffy magic, and (possibly) to Hell with everything else. Just in order to save her Angel.

"Don't worry, man," Oz told him reassuringly, as they started walking. "Willow will pull it off-"

Xander instantly shook his head. "That spell is major league, pal, even under the best conditions. Think about it, Oz, it's like asking a three-year-old to bowl a perfect 300! Theoretically possible, but what are the odds?"

"She'll do it," Oz reiterated, as they ran to catch up with the Slayer. "You just gotta have faith."

* * *

**End Flashback**

"And she did do it," Buffy said, as she shared a glance at Angel in the corner.

Cordelia looked at her, still upset. "But Xander had all that military stuff in his head, he watches the war stuff on the History channel all the time now. If he said-"

"Practically all of that Soldier Guy stuff had to have faded away over the last four months," Buffy interrupted her, with a strong sense of conviction. "I mean, I can't recall any of the French language skills that Little Miss Helpless knew, not anymore..."

"Well, that's you, not Xander!" Cordelia pressed, annoyed. "And whenever we go to the movies, afterwards he always tells me what was wrong during the fight scenes!"

"Cordy..." Buffy told her honestly, yet still with an air of definite annoyance. "I'm the Slayer. And if even I started to forget all that stuff right away, then Xander couldn't possibly recall any of it anymore. Not at this late stage!"

This was starting to get nasty. "Ego, much? Did you ever bother to ask him?" Cordelia hissed.

"No, because I didn't need to," Buffy told her at once, getting upset.

"Sure, Miss Superiority Complex - now I get it! If you can't do something, then God forbid the rest of us mere mortals can! No wonder the entire school thinks you're a loser psycho..." the cheerleader shot back with deadly venom, as Oz and Angel stared at each other in alarm. "Well, whatever. How does that equate to my Xander ending up dead?"

* * *

**Flashback**

"Okay, get him out of here!" Xander ordered Oz, as he handed off Giles to the shorter boy.

"What are you going to do?" the musician asked, as he grabbed the pitiful wreck the librarian had become at the vampires' hands.

"I gotta go help Buffy," Harris told Osborne, before taking off down the dark hallway and not giving the other guy a chance to argue with him.

In the large living room, Angelus was looking down at the disarmed Slayer. "You know, I have to say Buff..." the soulless demon taunted, as he pressed the tip of his sword into her neck. "I was right before, you never learn. Trying to stall that way? I mean, is it me, or was your heart just not in this-?"

As Buffy felt the tip of the blade draw blood, the vampire's eyes rolled back in his head. And an orange flash came through them. "Wha-?" the newly-restored Angel panted. "Buffy...?"

"Angel?" Buffy asked weakly, as she started to move and the sword lowered itself away from her carotid.

She stopped cold, when she saw a tall shadowy figure holding her lost sword behind Angel. ( _Spike!_ ) Buffy cursed herself for ever trusting the demon. "Look out!" she yelled, as Angel turned slightly and the blade sliced through his shoulder instead of the heart.

"AGHH!" the newly-resouled vampire said in pain, as he automatically reached out and batted the attacker away.

It all seemed to happen pretty quickly after that.

Acathla's face had changed, with his brows angled down; his eyes had started glowing red, and his mouth was grotesquely open. The swirling vortex to Hell had opened up; small at first, but growing steadily in size and emanating a deep, red glow.

And the sword, with Angel's blood on it, was attracted to the vortex like iron to a magnet.

"Oh my God!" Buffy said horrified, as the light from the portal to Hell showed her the attacker's face. "Xander!"

But Angel grabbed her waist as she ran forward to help her friend, "No, Buffy, don't! It'll suck you in!"

"I have to try, damn it!" Buffy yelled, as she struggled to get loose. As she watched Xander try to stab the sword into the floor, to give himself something to hold onto.

But it was pointless. Harris didn't have the strength to do it, and he obviously couldn't let go of the weapon either, and the portal eagerly sucked him in.

The last thing they saw was the sword tear through Xander's arm, as they flew through the air towards Acathla's waiting mouth.

"NOOO!" Buffy yelled, as the portal closed after swallowing its prey.

**End Flashback

* * *

**

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Cordelia screamed after the entire story had been told, and everyone in the hospital was no doubt able to hear her.

She rushed forward in blind fury, as every fiber of Cordy's being wanted to tear Angel's unbeating heart out of his chest - and the girl saw no reason not to give in to her desires. "I'm gonna kill you-"

The ensouled vampire made no move to try to defend himself, looking ashamed - so it was Buffy who got in the cheerleader's way, and lightly shoved her back. Oz then grabbed hold of Cordy's waist and said, "Take it easy, Xander getting killed like that was an accident-"

"How do I know that?" she grunted, still trying to get loose. "Was I there? Were you?"

Oz just raised an eyebrow at that, as Ms. Chase finally calmed down and he let her go. "No, guess not-"

"So then, all I have to go on is the word of these two...people? Well, pardon me if that's not good enough!" Cordy ranted. "And even if it's all true - I can't help wondering about something! I've heard Giles say how Buffy's supposed to be stronger than any old vampire, so I gotta ask - just how hard did she try to fight against Angel holding her back, at that particular moment?"

"YOU BITCH!" Buffy suddenly yelled, and this time it was Angel who had to restrain her from tearing the brunette's hair out. "Xander was my best friend! How DARE you imply that-"

"Why the hell shouldn't I? I mean, you're telling me you cared about him like that? Sure, so that's why you were willing for Xander and everyone else in this world to die - just on the off chance you could get your undead sex toy back, you creepy little necrophiliac?" Cordelia lashed out in her pain and grief. "If you had just done your job and staked this...thing...months ago, both Kendra and my boyfriend would still be alive right now!"

Cordelia then strode forward, batting Oz's hand away with a glare, and stopped in front of Buffy and Angel as the vampire let his beloved go. "Look, there's only one thing I'm interested in. Is there any chance Xander might still be alive - somewhere?"

Angel shook his head. "Most likely, he was killed instantly. And even if he wasn't, a living human soul can't last in Hell-"

"Then you should know a few things, the both of you."

Oz raised an eyebrow. "Meaning?"

Cordelia turned to send a hate-filled glare at Angel. "You sleep, right? You. Vampires. You sleep."

The former Irishman looked confused. "Yeah, but what's your point?"

"Well, since it's obvious I can't take you in a fight or anything, one day soon when you least expect it - you're gonna wake up on fire, if you're not a very light sleeper!"

The threat hung heavy in the air, as Cordelia turned to send a scorn-filled glance at Buffy. "We're not friends, you know. We never were. The only reason I ever hung out with you and your little band of misfits was Xander, and since he's gone now - well, let's just say I have no reason to try and help you anymore, do I? So you better watch your back, Summers - because if I can't get you and Angel for killing Xander in a court of law, I'm willing to settle for whatever I CAN get!"

Then the Chase girl turned around and stormed off in the direction of Giles's hospital room, trying desperately not to break down and cry.

* * *

**Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, California**

**A few days later**

Sad to say, but by now Xander Harris had become just another Sunnydale statistic; and in less than a week's time after the funeral - everyone not part of the Scooby gang had completely forgotten that he'd ever existed.

Even his parents...

Cordy was at cheerleading practice thinking about her lost love, when Harmony started to talk to her. Well, gossip anyway. "So, did you hear how Jennifer was caught cheating on John Lee, with Kevin?"

"What?" the leader of the pack muttered absently.

"It's true! Not to mention how Brittany Podell FINALLY got caught making out with Owen Stadeel, and Barrett Williams dumped that loser's ass. Kinda like you dumped what's-his-name, last Valentine's Day..."

Cordelia finally came out of dreamland, and stared at the busty blond incredulously. "Are you talking about Xander?"

"Right! That geek Harris, that was his name!" the airheaded ditz said happily. "Anyway, so what do you think about the latest nail polish from Bullock's? I heard it's a crying-"

Cordelia had an PISSED look in her eyes, as she regarded her so-called best friend and interrupted her savagely, "I always knew you were a sheep, but my God - are you completely DEFICIENT as well!"

"What-?" Harmony didn't get it, as she started to back away from her idol.

"I mean it, Harmony! How the HELL could you have simply forgotten my boyfriend, the guy that you and I made fun over for nearly 10 years, just like that?"

"I, I..."

"Oh, don't bother to answer, by this time tomorrow - you won't even remember us having this conversation! I know you all too well - unfortunately. So here's the deal, Harm; don't talk to me again, and I won't tell everyone how you spread that rumor that Aura had vaginal thrush last week! Understood?"

"I, I..." Ms. Kendall sputtered again, this time in fear in disbelief.

But she needn't have worried. Cordelia Chase imperiously strode away, upset but determined to change her life - so that Xander would have become proud of her.

First thing on the agenda, cut her so-called followers loose. Second thing, sweeten the deal with Harmony - let her become head cheerleader, by quitting the squad. Third thing - as soon as Giles had healed up, sweet-talk him into training her on how to defend herself, make him teach her all he knew about martial arts...

* * *

**Beverly Hills, Los Angeles, California**

**May 12th, 2000**

Two years later in her private residence, Cordelia Chase lifted her wine glass on the anniversary of her beloved's death, and toasted his memory. "Here's to you, Xander..."

It had been a stressful time for the 19-year-old girl, ever since the end of junior year. The IRS had almost stripped the young femme of her money during the fall of 1999, as they had done with her parents; but unlike in a world where Cordy had been distracted by the whole cheating thing, she had managed to learn how Daddy's tax audit was coming months before and somehow cut a deal with the authorities - to at least maintain her own wealth.

Well, so what if her father had ended up in prison and her mother had left town after divorcing him? It wasn't like they had helped HER cope, when her boyfriend had died...

Cordelia was living in LA now, mostly since she'd gotten sick of Sunnydale - and how during senior year, Willow had hung onto Oz so much that he'd almost seemed to take Xander's place. Still, she'd helped put down an evil Mayor-snake and watched as Buffy and Angel's relationship had completely disintegrated, so her memories of the Hellmouth weren't ALL bad...

But anyway. Ms. Chase had also been learning about demons and how to fight, all this time. Giles had taught her all he knew, which was applicable to non-Slayer types; and for that matter, so had Wesley.

Cordelia still winced over the way she had treated the young Watcher, who had fallen in lust with her - almost from the moment she'd glanced at him in the library. But still, there was no point dwelling on the past. She had screwed up her chances with him and he with her, with that...horribly embarrassing kiss, back then.

And there was also the fact that Cordy had distinctly felt like she was 'settling', with the young Englishman...

All of a sudden, the front doorbell rang. Recalling that this was the maid's day off, Cordy put down the wineglass and trudged over to the door. And as soon as she opened it the young woman thought, ( _Well, speak of the devil..._ )

Wesley was standing there outside in the sunlight, along with someone else. Someone who under different circumstances would have been long dead, by now - Allen Francis Doyle. "Hello, Cordelia."

Ignoring Doyle's admiring looks the woman said simply, "This isn't a good time. What do you want, Wesley?"

The former member of the Council sighed, an expression she had once liked but now only irritated her. "You need to back off, with regard to that Yggroth demon. Please, Cordelia, it's too dangerous for humans to handle-"

The Chase girl smirked, which suddenly sent chills down Doyle's spine. He had seen soulless demons smirk like that, just before they ripped someone's spleen out for laughs. "Really. You know, as I recall, I handled those zombies back in Sunnydale just fine-" Cordelia started to say.

"This is different!" Wes insisted.

Suddenly, the smirk disappeared. "Fuck off - as they say in the old country, Wes. If you think I'm gonna let-" and at that point the woman spat out the name like it was a curse, "-Angel do my dirty work, then you really have been here in the colonies for too long!"

The brunette instantly slammed the door shut in their faces, without so much as another word. And while Doyle was somewhat startled, Wes just acted as if it had been exactly what he'd expected - right from the start. "Well, that went swimmingly..."

Doyle said in puzzlement, "Wanna tell me what all that was about, Wes? How come that girl has such a major hate goin', for the boss of our little detective agency?"

Wyndham-Pryce sighed again, not wanting to mention details about Xander Harris; one, because he hadn't been there back then. And two, he didn't want to mention to his friend that his chances with the brunette teenager were now damned slim to none, given Doyle's associations with Angel. So he said simply, "Angelus."

Doyle just shrugged, figuring that this was not an insurmountable hurdle. "Ah, right. Still, gotta say - this Cordelia girl, she's a major hottie-"

"I thought that once too, but her personality...well, let's just say she has issues, and it's not a very pleasant mindset she has at times. The poor girl has survivor's guilt, to put it simply."

"And that's why she wants to take on a Yggroth demon?" Doyle asked incredulously.

"No. Cordelia's not a fool, whatever else she may be," Wes replied wearily. "She works with Gunn, his sister and their little group. Even though she's out of her league on this one, the girl is quite good as a matter of fact, from what I've heard she's starting to build up quite the reputation for herself as a fighter..." Then he looked at his companion closely. "And my advice is don't ever tell her you're half-demon, if you don't want Ms. Chase to decapitate first and ask questions later..."

* * *

**Inside Cordelia's house**

**A few moments later**

The Chase girl was clearly seething, as she stomped back towards the kitchen. ( _That gutless bastard. He sends his flunkies, to try to talk me out of that fight? Angel doesn't have the nerve to try to convince me himself about it?_ )

Well, she WAS conveniently ignoring the whole daylight thing, but the charge wasn't entirely without merit either. Personally facing Cordelia Chase and her loathing of him brought back memories the Champion much preferred to forget, which was why Wesley had volunteered to run interference with the former socialite - whenever her path crossed with that of Angel Investigations.

"Well, someone sure seems to have a case of penis envy..."

The broad Queens accent startled the teenager, and Cordelia quickly whirled around. "Who the hell are you? And how the hell did you get into my house?"

The guy dressed as a 1970's pimp started walking towards the fridge. "Name's Whistler..."

The balance demon was then astounded, when a perfectly manicured hand curled into a fist and crashed into his stomach.

"Owww!" he exclaimed, as the short guy instantly bent over, badly winded. Whistler then looked up and demanded, "What was the heck that for?"

"I didn't invite you in, asswipe. That means you're either a thief, or a trespasser. And given the whole lack of stealth factor, you're obviously not a burglar. So, you've got about 10 seconds to explain yourself before I call the cops! Or else, I take care of you myself..."

The demon shook his head, noticing that the dark-haired girl was quite serious. "No wonder Harris wanted to kill himself after talking to you for more than five minutes, in the old days..."

Instantly, Cordelia's hand encircled his neck as Whistler found himself slammed up against the wall. "What do you know about that?" she demanded.

"Take it easy, Ice Princess! Look, lemme go and I'll try to explain. Because there are things you need to know! About HIM..."

Abruptly, the female demon fighter's hand relaxed and Whistler sagged down - almost. "Like I said, start talking!" the young woman hissed.

"Oh, that's the thing about you broads - it's all yap, yap, yap. And my throat's parched as hell! Can you gimme a beer?"

"I'd prefer putting a knife to your throat," Cordelia snarled, already sick of this. "And that ought to take care of the problem just as well, wouldn't you say?"

Again the balance demon shook his head. "History is wrong."

Cordy didn't get it, but was effectively distracted from killing the messenger and demanded, "What?"

"I mean, it wasn't meant to be like this - Prom Queen. You're not supposed to be here, and neither am I. Hell, you were supposed to have become Angel's seer by now-"

Two hazel eyes almost pierced him like lasers. "I was never a prom queen in high school, mister. And me, work for that vampire? Puh-lease! It'll be a cold day in Hell before I ever-" Cordy then broke off, assaulted by the bad memories of the past.

Whistler casually ignored it. "And what's more, Xander Harris wasn't supposed to be shishkababed that way two years ago, either."

Ms. Chase instantly whirled around. "WHAT?"

"Like I said, history is wrong. You both had your own path to follow, although in your case - not exactly a pleasant one to contemplate, kiddo. Still, one good thing that's come out of this mess, is that the Powers have cleaned house somewhat..."

"I don't care. You said you had something to say about Xander? Well, either spill or get out!" the young woman shouted.

Whistler said nothing, he just snapped his fingers; and close to the ceiling, a portal of light blazed into existence. It was so bright that Cordelia had to look away; but when it disappeared, she looked back and noticed a man-shaped light slowly floating down to the floor.

When it finally stopped, the luminescence vanished; and a naked Xander Harris was laying unconscious on the carpet.

"XANDER!" Cordelia screamed in both shock and happiness, and would have instantly gone to him; except Whistler grabbed hold of her shoulder and said seriously, "Not yet. There are things you need to know first. Please, I'm not kidding..."

It took all of Cordy's willpower to do it, but she relaxed and said, "Look, thanks, but let's make this snappy! I just got my boyfriend back, after all-"

"No, you didn't."

"What?" the brunette demanded.

"That ain't your boyfriend, princess. Not anymore. It's one of the things I gotta explain. Capisce?"

With a sigh, Cordelia turned around and impatiently tapped her foot. "I'm waiting..."

Whistler said simply, "First things first; you should know that I've been keeping an eye on Harris here, ever since the major players upstairs first took notice of him. I mean, not only did this guy have great taste in clothes, he saved the blondie Slayer from certain death! And THAT led to Rat Breath entering his big creepo phase..."

"Is there a point to any of this?" Ms. Chase demanded. ( _And, Xander had any taste in clothes? Sure, look who's talking..._ )

"You betcha. See, Harris pissed off the wrong person upstairs, and that led to your old wolfie pal showing up where he shouldn't have. If he hadn't been there, well - as I said, lotta things woulda been different. But no use cryin' over spilt milk; what happened, happened, and I had to clean up the mess-"

"YOU?" Cordy interrupted. "Why?"

"Angel was my pet project, little girl, my...protégé, guess you could say, back in the day. Problem is, nobody ever saw Little Miss Slays-A-Lot coming! So instead of stopping Acathla, my boy ended up the one trying to send the world to Hell! But as it turned out, Harris was the only one who went there...well, for a moment, anyway."

"Xander was only there for a second?" the teenager gasped happily. ( _So, that means he's all right-_ )

But Whistler knew what she was thinking. "Yeah, Harris was exposed to the place only for an instant, before I pulled him out of there - but even that, was one instant too long!"

"What do you mean? And if he's been out of there for two years - why bring him to me NOW?" Cordelia asked fearfully.

"Hell is not a nice place to be, cutie pie. Not even for us demons," the agent of balance said gravely, with no trace of levity. "And for a human? Better not to even think of going there! Parts of Harris's brain were turned into mush, and it's taken this long for the Powers to restore him into some semblance of what he once was. And even improve a bit on the original machine, at least somewhat. All of his memories are gone now, though; that's why I said before, that he's not your boyfriend anymore. Harris doesn't currently have clue-one who you are."

Staring at the demon in horror, Cordelia whispered, "You mean, it's all gone? Everything Xander was, is-is lost? Forever?"

Whistler shrugged. "It's better than the alternatives; where he's either dead, drooling like an idiot or he's a complete screaming nutball. Okay, there might be some slight vestiges left, but only that; because some things like love and lust are hard-wired into the human mind, after all..."

Ms. Chase's mind was awash in confusion, hit by too much too soon. But suddenly, there was one question she had to ask. "So why me? Why didn't you or the Powers or whoever choose to send him back to Willow, or Buffy, or Giles-"

"Because those people will have their own problems, soon enough," Whistler said gravely, knowledge of the future reflected in his eyes. "They're not gonna have time to babysit anybody, former best bud or not. Besides, like I said before, the Powers definitely owe you one, or they would have anyway. So consider this your...restitution prize."

Cordelia stepped forward, her eyes irresistibly drawn to the nude form of her ex-boyfriend. "But what exactly am I supposed to do-"

But then she turned back, and noticed how Whistler simply wasn't there anymore. "Crap!" Quickly, the former cheerleader turned to look back at her first love. "Okay, now what do I do?"

Suddenly, Ms. Chase had an idea. "What the hell, it worked for Prince Charming..."

* * *

Deep inside the mind of Xander Harris, strange and chaotic thoughts roamed around. 

As Whistler had so charmingly put it, there were only the barest traces left of the person that had once been the best friend of a Slayer and a witch, and the boyfriend of the richest girl in Sunnydale. And while dimly, the man suspected that he had previously been so much more, all that was just vaguely instinctive knowledge now; nothing firm for his mind to wrap itself around.

As even though the Powers That Be had healed him physically, mentally was a whole different matter. That pesky thing about free will, and all...

Still - there were some advantages, it must be said, in becoming a tabula rasa (blank slate) like this. For example, 17 years of emotional baggage thanks to Anthony and Jessica Harris were now gone, vanished into the void - and good riddance to it all.

Drifting in and out of full consciousness, Xander then felt something wet, warm and soft on his mouth. It tasted nice, whatever it was. Opening his eyes, he saw a mass of dark hair, as a female face slowly moved away from him and the tentative kiss ended.

Eyeballing the stranger with a very pleasing shape, Harris said in confusion, "Who are you?"

He had utterly no idea why the female instantly burst into tears, and just wouldn't stop crying...

* * *

**Los Angeles, California**

**Two weeks later**

Angel was getting concerned.

It had been quite a while since Wes and Doyle had gone to talk to Cordelia Chase, and try to get her to see reason about that Yggroth demon. And somehow, against all odds, they'd succeeded...

For the Champion had taken out the evil creature later that very night, with the human female nowhere in sight. And while Angel had been thankful of that fact at the time, now...now it was different.

He had tried to talk to Gunn, but the black gang leader had wanted nothing to do with him; Ms. Chase had laid her groundwork well, and had become quite the thorn in Angel's side in trying to win the trust of that amateur demon-hunting outfit. SO with no other option, as Wes was busy and Doyle was passed out drunk, Angel knew he had to bite the bullet and go see her himself.

Getting into his black '68 Plymouth, the vampire headed for Beverly Hills, noting absently that things sure had changed around there since the 1950's. And when he finally arrived at the Chase residence, he parked outside, climbed over the fence and made his way to the front door.

Taking a deep breath (or at least appearing to), Angel then rang the bell and waited.

Eventually, Cordelia herself opened up. She took one look at him and growled, "You've got a lot of nerve, showing your face here..."

The dark-haired vamp shook his head. ( _Humans. They really can hold grudges for a lifetime!_ ) Then Angel said, "Sorry to intrude. But you've like totally dropped off the radar lately - and Wes, Doyle and I were concerned whether or not you were all right-"

"And my state of health is any of your business, why?" the woman's retort was full of venom, as expected.

The former Angelus rolled his eyes. "I'll be going now-"

"Cordelia, who is that?"

Halfway turned around, Angel froze in shock. It was a male voice, which had spoken from within the residence; but more than that, it was a male voice that he KNEW. "Xander-?"

Cordelia's eyes went wide, and the vampire knew he had not been mistaken. As Angel fully turned around, Cordelia muttered, "I invite you in," and yanked him inside, slamming the door shut.

Somewhat confused, the Irish-born vamp looked around - and sure enough, there he was. Xander Harris, live and in person.

( _But this is impossible!_ ) the undead guy thought to himself in denial. ( _It can't be him. He's got to be dead!_ )

Still, both sight and smell indicated otherwise. Although there was something...off about Buffy's White Knight, on that particular score. Because even after two years Angel remembered what kind of aroma the wisecracking little punk had had, and it wasn't EXACTLY the same now. "How-"

Then to his shock, Angel found himself being thrown against the wall; and there was a wooden stake pressing dangerously against his heart. "No, wait-!"

"Shut up," Cordelia hissed at him. Then she turned towards Harris and said, "Xander, could you maybe give us some privacy?"

Xander just shook his head. "This man obviously isn't your friend. Whoever he is, I'd feel better staying here - and keeping an eye on him."

Angel just gaped in confusion. "What?"

"He doesn't remember you, or anything else before two weeks ago," Cordy said succinctly. "The Powers brought him back from Hell, but unfortunately - Xander's lost all his memories. And according to your old pal Whistler, they're lost permanently. Yeah, that's right; huh, guess it's lucky for you that Xander doesn't remember how you sent him downstairs two years ago, you asshole..."

The angry words just rolled off Angel's back, as he studied his one-time competitor for Buffy's affections. The vampire quickly concluded that Cordelia wasn't a liar; there was no sign of the barely-hidden disgust and envy whenever Xander looked in his direction. ( _Unbelievable, but true..._ )

"You're the one responsible for making me the man I am today?" Xander asked curiously, as he studied the vampire thoughtfully. "Why would you do something like that?"

"That was - uh, basically, it was an accident," Angel replied guardedly.

"Or so he says. And the only other witness, back then? She isn't exactly someone I trust either!"

The vamp again ignored Cordy's issues. "Xander - for whatever it's worth, I'm sorry for what happened that day. Believe it or not, neither Buffy or I wanted it to go down like that..."

Again, Harris studied him with a look that Angel was beginning to find unnerving. And slowly, the former Zeppo reached out and gently lowered Cordelia's hand that was grasping the stake. The 'one who sees' then said to her, "I can tell he's not speaking falsely. Let go of the anger, Cordelia. It'll only poison your heart against truth and mercy, in the long run."

The stake clattered to the floor, and the former couple then hugged intensely. Angel felt vaguely ashamed to be intruding on such a private moment, but then he thought to himself, ( _I wonder how Buffy and Willow are going to take this, if they don't already know-_ )

Almost as if he had spoken aloud, Cordelia's head whipped around to look at him. As she broke the hug, the 19-year-old girl asked her former paramour again for some privacy; and this time, Xander left willingly. Then Cordelia turned to face her former nemesis, "I've already guessed what you're thinking. And no, Buffy and Willow don't know that he's back yet."

The Champion did that classic trick with his forehead. "And you were planning to tell them, when?"

"When I think it's time. More precisely, when I think Xander's ready to handle knowing about them."

The 250-year-old creature couldn't help it, his lips curled into an amused smirk. "In other words, when Xander's head is so full of you - he won't even glance twice in Buffy's direction?"

A scowl. "Well, I guess I definitely owe Gunn five bucks! That humanity thing really is a work in progress for you, isn't it - vampire?"

The stinging words wiped the smile from his face, as Cordelia grabbed the stake up from the floor and pointed it at the bloodsucker. "The truth is, Xander's welfare is the only thing I care about. Whether or not we ever get back together again, that's the ONLY thing guiding my actions! Damn it, but do you have any idea what it's like for him? I've become his teacher, Angel, more than anything else. Xander needs to learn how to become a human being again, first and foremost-"

"And Buffy, Giles and Willow couldn't accomplish that any better than you?" Angel continued to press the issue.

This time, Cordelia was the one who smirked. "Have you even talked to any of them lately? No, obviously not. But I have. That's how I know Buffy's developed a massive ego the size of Mount Rushmore, Willow's become a big old lesbo, and Giles has started drinking way too much for his own good! Xander doesn't need people like that as his role models-"

Angel raised his eyebrows. "And yet people like you, on the other hand..."

"I'm honest. I've got a great fashion sense. I fight evil, which on a bad day - definitely includes you. So yeah, I'd say someone like me is the best possible guide for my ex-boyfriend," Cordelia shot back with a glare. "And just so we're clear on something? If you ring up those three in Sunnydale to tell them Xander's back from the dead, and they show up in town...the first thing I will do is come after you. I'll get Gunn and his friends to burn down that rathole nest you call a home, but I'M the one who's gonna personally stake your ass out to burn in the sunlight! You got me...DEADBOY?"

That nickname which Xander had always loved tossed into his face, the vampire just nodded silently at the threat to his immortal existence; as he suspected that that might indeed all come about, just as Cordy had promised. And so, without saying goodbye or anything else, Angel quickly just walked out the door and into the night of LA.

Ms. Chase simply sighed, and went into the kitchen to get a cold drink from the fridge. Eventually looking at the clock on the wall, she sighed again at how late it was - and then the girl walked upstairs to her bedroom.

As she stripped out of her clothes and got into the bed, Xander poked his head out from the covers and asked, "Is Angel gone?"

"Yeah," Cordy replied, as she snuggled into the young man's tender embrace.

As stated before, they weren't lovers; but Cordelia Chase saw nothing wrong in sharing the same bed at nights with the boy she'd fallen in love with, all over again. It was just providing warm comfort, nothing more; because the sex would have to wait until both Xander and herself were ready.

"Angel's gone, and hopefully he won't be back anytime soon," the rich girl grunted.

"Did I ever like him?" Harris asked curiously, as he absently played with Cordelia's hair.

"No."

"Did YOU ever like him?" The question seemed to be just light interest, but the male teen didn't fool the Tact Girl one iota.

"When I first met him, yeah. In fact, that guy was pure salty goodness, in my opinion! But one thing I'm sure of is that first appearances can be deceiving, Xander. Because bottom line, Angel was a coward who hid himself away from the world for nearly 100 years - and the only reason he ever got off his ass and did something worthwhile with his eternity, was a girl. One named Buffy Summers."

Xander mulled that over. "So you're saying that doing the right thing, for the wrong reasons...taints the results of your actions, somehow?"

Cordelia groaned. "It's too late right now for such deep and meaningfuls, okay? We can discuss all that tomorrow, when we go to Santa Monica for the weekend. I know you've been studying all the books in this house, and those web sites on the Internet like crazy these past two weeks - but I also want you to start seeing the real world out there for yourself, from now on. All right?"

"Okay," her student said trustingly. And on impulse, gave her a quick chaste kiss on the lips as Xander said with a grin, "Thank you for taking care of me like this, and teaching me all about this world."

"You're welcome," Cordelia replied, fighting the incredibly strong urge to roll over and jump his bones - right then and there. ( _Not yet, not quite. But this weekend, God willing, I'm gonna make sure your ass becomes mine forever!_ ) "Good night, Xander."

"Good night," the man yawned, before soon falling asleep in his ex-girlfriend's arms. "Pleasant dreams..."

The End


End file.
